In a previous post, I linked to a video of some Q&A with Mark Driscoll, one of the pastors of Mars Hill Church-Seattle, on whether or not it is okay (right) for a wife to be the “bread-winner” while the husband stays home with the kids. Driscoll says “no” and cites 1 Timothy 5:8 for support. The context for 1 Timothy 5:8 is this:
3 Honor widows who are truly widows. 4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 5 She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, 6 but she who is self-indulgent is dead even while she lives. 7 Command these things as well, so that they may be without reproach. 8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
I must admit, I was quite surprised at Driscoll’s use of this verse to support the position that the husband/father is responsible to provide for his family while the wife is responsible to care for the family. Another fellow by the name of Jared Wilson was also surprised and is in disagreement with this position (read his take on it here).
After looking at the text, I don’t think it is the strongest verse to use in support of the position of husband/man as provider, but it is not completely irrelevant either.
The immediate context of this passage is about taking care of elderly Christian widows who are unable to provide for themselves. Paul is about to give a list of qualifications for widows that will be cared and provided for by the church. Before he does this however, he stops to make the point that if she has family (be it kids or grandkids) then they should provide for her so the church can provide for believing widows with no family members. Paul then makes the strong statement found in verse 8,
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
While the immediate context is caring for widows, Paul is stating a universal principle for Christians; “provide for your own family.” So, does this verse apply to “stay-at-home” dads?
Jared Wilson argues, rightly, that providing for your family and leading and caring for them is about more than money. I would agree and add that it is certainly no less than making money though.
Here are more convincing scriptures regarding biblical roles for husbands/wives, men and women:
Genesis 3 -the fall and the curse. Sin perverted/frustrated God’s good creation and notice how it affected Adam and Eve (other than physical/spiritual death and alienation from God). The women would now experience pain in childbearing and struggle to support her husbands leadership while the man would now experience toil, struggle and hard labor in reaping food from the earth. Are these random effects of the fall? No, they deal specifically with the God-ordained roles of men as husband/leader/provider and women as wife/helper/mother.
Titus 2:3-5
3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Some would like to argue that this passage in Titus 2 is strictly cultural and no longer applies. It appears to me that older women are to be teaching young Christian women to be faithful in carrying out the God-ordained role of a women from the time of the first woman Eve. Interesting also is the fact that if a women will not do these things, the Word of God MAY be reviled (subject to verbal abuse).
Related to the Titus 2 passage (and from the same chapter as the verse that got this whole thing started) is Paul’s command to the church for younger widows found in 1 Timothy 5
14 So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.
Again it’s interesting that women/wives/mothers doing the OPPOSITE of this gives the adversary (Satan) an occasion for slander.
Ephesians 5:25-31
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Now, while loving your wife like Christ loves the church definetely entails more than just bringing home a paycheck (because even an unbelieving, alcoholic, wife-beating husband can do this), loving your wife as your own body and nourising and cherishing her as much and more than yourself would surely entail working like a dog if need be so that your wife can be a godly wife and mother and carry out her God-ordained role and not have to provide for the family. Also, relating to this is a passage in 2 Thessalonians 3:
6 Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us. 7 For you yourselves know how you ought to imitate us, because we were not idle when we were with you, 8 nor did we eat anyone’s bread without paying for it, but with toil and labor we worked night and day, that we might not be a burden to any of you. 9 It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate. 10 For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. 11 For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. 12 Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.
Why would an able-bodied man with a wife and kids not be working? Is he lazy (sin)? Is he proud (sin)? We’re not legalist here, we’re not talking about people who are sick or on disability. We’re talking about a man who can put on pants, leave the house and do something; why isn’t he? Paul doesn’t leave room for “good” excuses and I can’t think of many either.
Ultimately, it works like this: There are two ways to live; our way or God’s way. If we live our lives God’s way, he’ll bless it and we’ll have the confidence that we’re living a life pleasing and glorifying to Him. If we live life our way we might be able, through trial and error, to find a way to make it work without any major casualties, but we can’t think we’re pleasing God by the way we live and there’s not guarantee that He’ll bless our efforts.
It sure seems to me like God’s told us how he wants us to live for a reason.
